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Thankfully They Only Come Once Every Four Years

Nothing in the sporting dialect birth b deliver annoys me more than the coverage devoted to the Olympics.

For starters, a immense portion of the events are rudimentary contests (fastest, farthest, highest, heaviest) where there are no alternative routes to athletic celebrity (the kind of strategizing and randomness that make watching sports engrossing). Is it neat to know who the fastest human is? Sure, but a put sentence in the next morning’s newspaper is all it will take to quell that interest. I’m well aware of the years of training Olympic athletes go through in instruction to push the boundaries of what the human body is capable of, but one-dimensional tests are upright plain dull. What should any given silver medalist have done differently? Not have slipped, or gone faster? Wow, we’ll all be talking about that flume, lift, jump for years to come (or until that record is ruptured again in four years).

Same thing with all this Michael Phelps nonsense. Most gold medals in report? Big deal. He’s the biggest fish in a very small pond. The incredible’s best athletes don’t flock to swimming. I’m well aware that no baseball or soccer participant can beat Phelps in a pool, but the inverse applies as well. Can we please get on to the next 47-month term when no one cares about competitions like who can swim the fastest?

“Women” gymnasts are on par with spectacle children.

Human interest stories make me nauseous. All the producers and anchors that m on these broadcasts, with their truly inspiring stories with montages and soap opera scores that seem to wear the trousers half the coverage should be pulled out of their studios by the hair, thrown into the passage, and beaten to death with gardenhoses filled with leadshot. If you suppose I’m being harsh, please watch five minutes of Tiki Barber and Jenna Wolfe on MSNBC’s Olympic Update and keep your ears unestablished for the mention of the nation of Hungaria, USA basketball coach Mike Rezevski and hundreds of Chinese volunteers cleaning up algae with their hands.

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